You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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