Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my shit smells like andre
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
