I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
