We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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