everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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