i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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