remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
