If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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