i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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