You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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