No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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