dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
