You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
