Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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