Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
