I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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