I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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