She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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