Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
