So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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