my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
