We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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