hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
