Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
