my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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