Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
