is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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