i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
pray to the hookup gods
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
