I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we should paint friendship bongs
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