I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish my penis had an off switch
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
