Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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