I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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