...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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