I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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