I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
