at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
