the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
