My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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