so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
