I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
