Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
