She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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