Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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