You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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