oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
