im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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