god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
