She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
