i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
