I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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