Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
