At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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