K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm going to jail i love you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
