We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
