i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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