Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
