He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
