ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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