I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
