haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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