It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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