oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
